“Humare zamaane mein toh ek thappad mein sab seedha ho jaata tha.”
“Aur usi thappad ne humein emotionally mute bana diya, Abbu.”
Sound familiar?
This tug-of-war between Desi parenting and Gentle Parenting is no longer just a dinner table debate — it's a generational fault line. On one side, the “chappal” generation that believed fear equaled respect. On the other, their children who are raising kids with empathy, boundaries, and a vocabulary for emotions.
The Chappal Generation: Discipline as Duty
Our parents weren't cruel. They were consistent. Rules were rules, and disobedience meant a look, a loud voice, or — yes — the infamous chappal. They did it because they thought it made us resilient. They rarely said “I'm proud of you” — but they'd fry an extra egg if they were. Emotions were practical, not poetic.
Ask any Desi adult over 40:
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Did your parents ever say “I’m sorry” to you?
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Were you ever allowed to question a rule?
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Did you feel loved, or did you just know it was there somewhere?
Most of us didn't grow up in abusive homes — but we also didn't grow up emotionally fluent.
Gentle Parenting: Boundaries Without Fear
Today's young parents — especially millennials and Gen Z — are turning that script around.
Timeouts have replaced slaps.
“Use your words” has replaced “Bas chup raho!”
Kids are encouraged to talk about their feelings, even negative ones.
Gentle parenting is rooted in:
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Respecting the child as an individual
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Listening instead of lecturing
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Repairing ruptures after shouting
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Modeling, not demanding, good behavior
But let's not sugarcoat it. Gentle parenting is exhausting . It requires emotional regulation, constant presence, and an ability to explain complex feelings in simple terms — while your toddler is hitting you with a toy truck.
Where It Collides: Ghar Ka Mahol
Now picture this:
Your 3-year-old is throwing a tantrum at Nani's house. You're trying to breathe, crouch down, and say, "I know you're upset. Let's take deep breaths."
Nani is horrified. “Yeh toh sir pe chadh jaayega!”
Boom. Collision.
Desi elders often see gentle parenting as lack of discipline , overfriendliness , or Western foolishness .
Young parents see old methods as emotionally damaging , triggering , and outdated .
So who's right?
The Middle Path: Can We Combine the Best of Both?
Here's the truth: Both styles have flaws and strengths.
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Desi parenting gave us grit, duty, and loyalty.
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Gentle parenting offers emotional health, autonomy, and safe relationships.
What if we raised kids with the firm boundaries of Desi parenting but the empathy and self-awareness of gentle parenting ?
What if “discipline” wasn't feared — but trusted ?
What if our parents had said, just once, “I yelled at you yesterday and I'm sorry” — would it have changed how we saw ourselves?
Final Thought: It's Not Just About Kids — It's About Us Too
Every time we parent our kids gently, we're also re-parenting the child inside us.
Maybe our children won't flinch when someone raises their voice.
Maybe they'll know it's okay to cry.
Maybe they won't take 30 years to unlearn shame.
And maybe — just maybe — the day will come when our parents say:
“Beta, humne giltiyaan ki thi. Tum behtar kar rahe ho.”
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